"World's Finest Mix-Up" - Part Five

 

Part Five

            Kara grew to hate having a gun pointed at her. It happened quite often in a past regeneration – the one whose name she shared (except with a “C”). But she hated nothing more than someone pointing a gun at one of her friends, the one in this situation being Jessica. Kara could hear her whimpering behind her.

            “It’s gonna be okay, Lil’ Queen,” she reassured her little sister.

            “Oh, I very much doubt it’ll be, my beautiful sunflower.” The voice Kara heard didn’t come from either of the Luthors or even Otis.

            Emerging from the shadows was a mortifying figure – a tall young man dressed in a custom-tailored purple suit that consisted of an elegant coat and pin-stripe pants kept up by suspenders rather than a belt. Underneath it, he wore a light grey jacket, a green vest, and a light grey patterned shirt.

            However, the most striking feature about him was the chalk-white makeup on his face, which consisted of dark face-paint that blackened the spaces around his leering brown eyes. In addition to this, green hair-dye spread all over his unkempt, greasy hair, and a red slash of lipstick smeared all over a thin mouth with two gruesome scars lined at the corners, resembling a Glasgow Smile.

            Unfortunately, he didn’t come alone. He was accompanied by a gang of armed thugs and a pack of vicious Rottweilers.

            “Erm, excuse me?” Earth-13 Luthor confronted the clown. “This area is restricted. We are conducting valuable research here. So, you and your goons must leave the premises immedia—!”

            He was abruptly cut off once the clown aggressively grappled him, placing a knife in Earth-13 Luthor’s mouth and pressing the blade against the inside of his left cheek. “You wanna know how I got these scars?” the clown asked, indicating those on his own face. “I’ll tell ya how. One fine day, I was minding my own business, sitting at the bus stop and waiting for the bus to come. And then, out of the blue, this guy comes up to me with a switchblade, demanding money. I told him, ‘I’m sorry, sir…but I only have enough for bus fare.’ So, he makes a deal with me: a smile for your life.

            So, I give him the biggest, brightest smile my face could muster. But then the mugger tells me, ‘That’s not good enough!’ He then hands his switchblade over to me and proceeds to hold me at gunpoint, telling me to put on a real, big smile…or else he’ll kill me. So, not wanting to die in such an undignified way, I take the switchblade, put it to my mouth, and…”

            SLICK!!

            The clown’s knife sliced through Earth-13 Luthor’s cheek like butter, blood gushing out instantly. The eccentric young entrepreneur dropped dead to the grated floor to the horror of Otis, Kara, and even Jessica and the disappointment of the surviving Luthor. “There goes the perfect business acquisition,” he dismissively uttered.

            “Now then,” the clown said, cleaning the blood off his knife and surveying the four remaining victims in front of him. “Who’s next?” He glanced towards the terrified Jessica, whose tear-drenched face was buried into the fabric of Kara’s hoodie hanging at her hip. “How about you, sweetheart? Care for a cut?”

            Kara shielded Jessica. “You stay away from her, you psycho!”

            The clown advanced on her. “You have a lot of fire, sunflower. I like that.”

            “Then wait ‘til you get a load of me!” A voice shouted from above.

            All eyes looked skyward to a walkway overhead where another clown stood. This one appeared to be much older than the other with a flashier and more colorful sense of style, his suit much brighter than the other clown’s – complete with a fedora. His makeup, while more together than the other clown’s, seemed to be more organic, as if his chalk-white skin and green hair were his actual features.

            He was in the accompaniment of his own militia of men, whose basic uniforms consisted of indigo leather jackets with patches that had the face of their clown commander, along with playing card patches, sunglasses, and various kinds of black hats.

            “Open fire on ‘em, boys!” the older clown ordered, and his goons obliged accordingly. This prompted the younger clown’s men to return fire, initiating the most violent gunfight Kara had ever witnessed. Otis was caught in the crossfire, dropping dead right in front of Kara, Jessica, and Luthor.

            Seeing Otis gunned down urged the three of them to seek cover, retreating behind pillars of steel, cylindrical containers. Kara focused on Jessica, who was frozen stiff with a blank expression on her face. “Jessica? Honey? Are you alright?” She didn’t answer Kara, who could only conclude that the poor little girl was in total shock from the violent series of events that transpired within the last few minutes.

            “Well, she’s definitely scarred for life,” the unsympathetic Luthor observed.

            Kara fired off a cold stare at him, only to notice one of the goons from the elder clown’s gang cornering them. He aimed his gun at the head of Luthor. “Now, let’s talk for a sec,” he beseeched in a display of cowardice. “It’s not me you want to shoot. I can pay you more than the painted freak you’re working for.” He then gestured to Kara and Jessica and advised the goon, “Shoot them! They’re witnesses!”

            What an unbelievable jerk! Kara mentally grimaced.

            For a fleeting second, the goon seemed to have considered Luthor’s bargain, but he cocked his pistol, ready to blow the megalomaniac away. The gun fired; however, Luthor’s life was spared when a red-and-blue shape swooped in between him and the gun. The bullet struck the shape, only to ricochet off of it and puncture a steam pipe.

            Kara couldn’t believe her crystal blue eyes when she noticed the yellow House of El crest stitched onto a long, flowing red cape. The individual who had saved her, Jessica, and – to a lesser extent – Luthor was Superman himself…or at least one of many variants of him Kara had encountered throughout the infinite dimensional corridor.

            This Superman appeared to be one of the more traditional variants with classically designed, silky smooth tights as opposed to a body suit made of hardened material. In spite of that aspect, there was no residual damage left from the gunfire it sustained.

            Superman dispatched of the mortified goon with a simple puff of air that blew him ten feet across, knocking him into another steel container. After the deed was done, the Man of Steel looked directly at Luthor and asked, “What trouble have you caused this time, Lex?”

            Luthor chuckled nervously. “Nothing that couldn’t have warranted being saved by you, Superm—”

            BANG!

            Luthor was sent collapsing to the floor, completely unconscious.

            Superman didn’t realize it at first, but he noticed Kara holding a lead pipe that she clocked the diseased maniac over the head with. She threw it to the floor afterwards and told Superman, “Sorry. He had it coming.”

            “Can’t argue with that,” Superman casually acknowledged. He then noticed the petrified Jessica and asked, “Is she with you?”

            Kara nodded, gazing disconcertedly on Jessica. “Yes, she is. Poor thing’s in shock.”

            “Rightfully so,” Superman said. “This is no place for a child.”

            “No kidding,” Kara remarked. As she refocused on Superman, she sparked with urgency once she sighted another thug aiming his assault rifle on Superman. “LOOK OUT!”

            Superman swiftly turned to face the thug, expecting to deal with him just as the one before. That was until a dark figure dropped from above and landed atop of him, knocking him out in one blow. Superman gazed on the dark stranger, who ended up saving him, though it wasn’t necessary.

            He was quite put off from the fact he was dressed like a bat.

            “Nice outfit,” Superman told him, though the stranger didn’t return the sentiment.

            It did not take Kara very long to recognize the bat-man by his namesake. Like Superman, this was one of many variants she had encountered through the Infinite DC. His outfit was total body armor, made from a bulletproof substance that Kara presumed to be Kevlar. This was certainly a Batman of a realm different to the one Superman hailed from.

            Suddenly, the sound of jets flying close overhead drew their attention to a skylight. It turned out not to have been jets but a fleet of alien ships, along with three individuals that flew without the aid of craft, right over the Ace Chemicals factory.

            “Friends of yours?” Batman asked Superman.

            “General Zod – both of them,” Superman identified. “This is gonna get messy.”

            “You deal with your problem, while I’ll deal with mine,” Batman insisted. Not waiting to get any approval from Superman, he vanished through the cloud of steam that had developed through the area via the punctured pipe.

            “Well, he’s pleasant to work with,” Superman teased. Turning to Kara, he instructed, “Ma’am, you’re gonna have to leave this place before it gets any more dangerous for you and your friend.”

            “I wholeheartedly agree with ya, Supes,” Kara said. “But that machine of Luthor’s needs to be shut down. It’s the whole reason why all of this is happening.”

            “I did notice it on the way in,” Superman confirmed. “But how do you intend on shutting it down?”

            Kara groaned. “I have a way, but I don’t know if I can do it all on my own.”

            As she lamented on the difficult task ahead, she heard the familiar grind of TARDIS engines reverberating throughout the atmosphere. They resounded close behind her, prompting her to turn and face the area in which a Type-Z TARDIS – her signature TARDIS – materialized.

            Its doors opened and, to Kara’s surprise, Craig ran out of it.

            “Craig!” Kara cried.

            “Kara!” Craig returned, rushing up to embrace her.

            Tears streaming down her face, the overjoyed Kara asked Craig, “Are you alright, lil’ bro? What happened? Where did you go?”

            “I’ve been with you…or another version of you.”

            Kara wasn’t entirely sure what he meant until she saw two more passengers exit the Type-Z: a goth-looking woman who dressed as if it was Halloween and a rugged man in a letterman jacket. “I dread to wonder which of them the other version of me is,” Kara uttered.

            The goth woman raised her hand with a playful giggle. “That would be me: Elvira – Mistress of the Dark,” she said.

            “Doesn’t exactly ease my concerns, but I’ll take what I can get under these circumstances,” Kara said. “I’m assuming you’ve already figured out what to do about Luthor’s machine.”

            “Ohh, yeah,” Elvira verified. “That Quantum Sphere’s gotta be extracted and ditched outta here, if we wanna stop the convergence.”

            Her thoughts ran simultaneously with Kara’s. “But we have to do it carefully, so we don’t create a black hole.”

            In watching the two women work together, Superman concluded, “Seems like you ladies got it from here. I’ll try and hold off the two generals and their armies for as long as I can.”

            “You won’t have to go in alone, Supes.” Elvira turned to Eddie and blurted out, “It’s feedin’ time, Venom!”

            On this note, Eddie morphed into his hulking razor-toothed, long-tongued black alien counterpart, whose hunger was evident as he shouted, “I’ve always wanted to feast on Kryptonians!” He leapt to insurmountable heights, crashing through the skylight and into one of the Kryptonian spaceships, destroying it.

            Overwhelmed by the baffling and raucous character known as “Venom,” Superman could only say, “I’m gonna have a lot of questions after all this.” He took off afterwards, soaring through the shattered skylight to assist his grotesque ally.

            “Kara?” She heard Craig address her, standing beside their petrified little sister. “What happened to Jessica?”

            “Get her into Elvira’s TARDIS,” she told Craig. “I’ll explain later.”

            Craig did as he was told, though his concern for Jessica outweighed his obedience.

            As soon as he was in the TARDIS, Elvira privately conversed with her past incarnation. “She wasn’t ready for all of this,” she spoke in reference to Jessica, while retrieving her trans-temporal sonic screwdriver from her cleavage.

            “I know that now,” Kara affirmed, also retrieving her sonic from her hoodie.

            “And you know what you’re gonna have to do when this is over.”

            Kara sadly huffed. “Yes, I know.”

            Chaos ensuing all around them, the two Gladiators of Gallifrey worked together, utilizing their sonic screwdrivers to reverse the polarity of the flow in antimatter and nuage energies contained within the Quantum Sphere. The sphere flickered in an array of colors and shook uncontrollably.

            “Our two measly sonics aren’t enough!” Elvira shrieked.

            “Doesn’t matter now!” Kara told her. “Our best chance is just to get it out of this plane of existence entirely! It’s the only way to stop the convergence!”

            They readjusted their approach correspondingly.

            The sphere glowed brighter and brighter in a golden hue until it vanished entirely.

            In result of the extraction, all the chaos around Ace Chemicals ceased: the inter-dimensional war between the two Joker gangs and the invasion of the General Zods and their forces. They all vanished with the Quantum Sphere, taking the fallen bodies of the two Lex Luthors with them.

            Batman approached Kara and Elvira at the same time Superman and Venom landed back inside the factory. “What just happened?” the Dark Knight questioned.

            “The convergence is over,” Kara told him. “Your worlds are now diverging from each other.”

            “But which of the two will diverge from this location?” Elvira pondered.

            She received her answer when they noticed Superman’s form slowly fading. “I guess that’s my cue,” Kal-El said with a smile. “Needless to say, this has been an experience. We made quite a team.”

            “I prefer working alone,” Batman stated.

            “So I’ve noticed,” Superman jested. “Regardless, some thanks are in order.” He held out his translucent hand for the Batman to shake.

            Resisting for only a second, Batman shook Superman’s hand until he was left holding nothing but thin air. “You’re welcome,” he said to his now-departed temporary colleague.

------------------

            “Although I don’t get the whole ‘Mistress of the Dark’ motif you got going, it’s good to know we haven’t completely lost our maternal senses in this regeneration,” Kara observed of her future regeneration. She offered Kara safe passage to Earth-78 – the Earth where Superman had come from – where Kara’s TARDIS had remained in Lex Luthor’s underground lair during the divergence.

            “I’m gonna take that as a ‘Thank You’ for watching over Craig,” Elvira said.

            Kara snickered. “Yeah…thanks for that.”

            “No big,” Elvira brushed off. “I’d still do anything for the most important boy in the multiverse.”

            “I’m the most important boy in the multiverse?!”

            Believing their exchange to have been held in private outside their respective TARDISes, the two Gladiators were surprised when Craig emerged from Kara’s just as Elvira made her proclamation.

            “Bet your cute lil’ butt you are, lil’ bro,” Elvira guaranteed. She crouched down to his eye level, getting emotional as she kissed him on the head and told him, “I may spend the rest of my lives traveling without you by my side, Craig, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget you.” She nodded towards Kara and advised, “And you make sure to never to forget her – that’s always been her greatest fear.”

            Craig glanced at Kara, surprised by this facet of information. “Really?!”

            Kara enfolded herself in shame. “It’s the first thing that crossed my mind shortly after I regenerated into this body. That’s why I came to your dimension as your new neighbor – to be with you again.”

            Hearing this more than lifted Craig’s spirits…it gave him a deep sense of security over his long-lasting friendship with Neas the Gladiator of Gallifrey.

            “And that’s also why I had to erase Jessica’s memories of me,” Kara added.

            This snapped Craig out of his euphoria. “Wait…What?! Why?!?!”

            “She had been through so much in this journey, Craig – much that leaves an impressionable girl her age with terrifying thoughts and dreams for the rest of her life,” Kara explained. “We wouldn’t want her to live with that burden, would we?”

            “No, definitely not,” Craig agreed. “But did you erase everything from her memory? Including all that time we spent with you when you were a boy?”

            Kara shook her head. “No, those are still there. But, as far as the Lil’ Queen is concerned, Kara Curtsinger and the Infinite DC don’t exist.”

            “So…it’ll just be you and me journeying together?” Craig asked.

            “For as long as we want, lil’ bro.”

"World's Finest Mix-Up" - Part Four

 

Part Four

            “Oh, my gosh! My brother’s gone! Where did he go?! Am I gonna be next?! Am I gonna disappear, too?!”

            Jessica bounced all over the walls of the console room in hysteria over Craig’s disappearance. She only stopped when Kara crouched down in front of her and said directly to her face, “Jessica, honey, everything’ll be alright. We’ll find him.”

            “How?” Jessica asked. “He could be anywhere!”

            “True,” Kara said as she turned to the control console and began flipping switches and turning knobs. “But this isn’t the first time someone’s popped out of thin air in my TARDIS. More often than not, whenever that happens, there’s a trace of energy left behind. And if my theory is correct…” She pointed her sonic screwdriver to the space that Craig vanished from, taking a quick scan.

            She then looked on her sonic, her aquamarine eyes widening in discouragement.

            “Oh, no…” she muttered.

            “You said ‘Oh, no’ – that almost never means anything good!” Jessica exclaimed.

            “You are so right, Lil’ Queen,” Kara affirmed. “I’m picking up heavy amounts of antimatter energy from where Craig was standing a moment ago. That kind of energy is highly dangerous – especially when it clashes with nuage energy.” After a heavy sigh, she stated, “Unfortunately, to find our brother and catch up with the realm he went to, I’ll have to channel the antimatter energy through my TARDIS.”

            Kara enacted her procedure, entering the data she obtained through her sonic screwdriver into the TARDIS computer. The Gallifreyan module dematerialized out of the infinite dimensional corridor and reemerged within a lavish den that seemed to be underground – that much was certain from the subway trains they heard passing close by.

            “Now that was quite the entrance,” the charismatic voice of a man spoke out.

            Jessica and Kara looked all over the underground lair to spot the man, only managing to find him behind the TARDIS. The man was donned in a loud lounge suit, smoking a Cuban cigar and holding a glass of champagne. “And you are quite the beautiful woman,” he said in observance of Kara. He approached her, setting down his champagne and removing the cigar from his mouth to take Kara’s hand and kiss it – a gesture that revolted the Time Lord.

            “And…you are?” Kara asked.

            The man gave a lewd chuckle. “Nice one. Pretending you’ve never heard of Lex Luthor – the greatest criminal genius of our time.”

            Kara shrugged. “Who’s pretending? I’ve honestly never heard of you, dude.”

            “Me neither,” Jessica said before she pointed at Luthor’s hair and asked, “Isn’t that a lady’s wig?” Her inquiry made Kara snicker a bit.

            Luthor hid his embarrassment with an amused grin. “Kids say the darndest things, don’t they?” Moving past his embarrassment, Luthor closely examined Kara’s TARDIS. “Fascinating machine you’ve arrived in. It reappears within any spatial dimensions that it chooses. And bigger on the inside, I’d imagine.”

            “Usually people wait until they’re in it to say that, but…yes, it is,” Kara said.

            Luthor puffed on his cigar as he continued gazing on the Type-Z. “I’ve always dreamt of inventing something like this. Alas, I’m limited by the technology of my time…and my reality. Thankfully, those limitations have come to a gratifying conclusion.”

            Kara frowned. “What’re you talking abo—?”

            “MISS TESCHMACHER!!!” Luthor suddenly howled, startling Kara and Jessica.

            At his beckoning, a lovely blond woman rushed into the room. “You bellowed, Lex?” Miss Teschmacher said with a hint of wit.

            “Be a dear and check-in with my ol’ lab partner and see if he’s ready with our science experiment,” Luthor ordered.

            Miss Teschmacher brought the walkie-talkie she had in hand to her rose-red lips and called, “Otis? What’s the word on your end?”

            “We’re all set and ready to go, Miss Teschmacher,” the goofy voice of Otis answered over the walkie-talkie.

            On this confirmation, Lex led Kara and Jessica out of his underground lair and into one of the subway channels where a sleek, single-car train was stationed. Shaped like a giant silver bullet, entry was only accessible through a touch pad that screened Luthor’s palm print. “Welcome, Lex Luthor,” the train’s AI computer said as he entered and seated with his guests. “State your destination.”

            “The Ace Chemicals factory in Gotham City,” Luthor stated.

            Immediately, the high-tech train rocketed through the subway tunnel. As it headed straight towards a dead-end, Kara and Jessica panicked, believing that the train would crash into the brick wall. However, when they were just an inch away from crashing, the train passed through a swirling, multicolored vortex and emerged within an entirely different subway tunnel.

            “What the heck just happened?!” Kara exclaimed, her hearts rapidly beating through her chest from all the excitement.

            “That, young lady, was a dimensional rift we just passed through,” Luthor explained. “It’s been there between the coasts of Metropolis and Gotham City for a few weeks now.”

            “How did you even know it was there?” Kara asked.

            “The day Gotham City itself appeared,” Luthor said. “One day, there was just an endless sea beyond the coast of Metropolis. The next day, an island with a dark, foreboding city appears out of nowhere. And with it came a visitor…a visitor from another world who shares with me a device that he brought with him. He claims that it came to his world from beyond the reality itself, containing enough antimatter to render an entire universe to dust. And yet he managed to control it with a machine built from Kryptonian technology.”

            Hearing Luthor’s story, the deeply intrigued Kara questioned, “This antimatter device. What did it look like?”

            Before Luthor could provide her with a description, the train came to a grinding halt. Luthor led Kara and Jessica out of the transport and through a secret entrance into the Ace Chemicals factory. Upon entry, Kara and Jessica received an eyeful of a massive machine that took up most of the space within the factory.

            At the core of the machine was a geodesic sphere that Kara recognized.

            The Quantum Sphere.

            It had grown massive in size since the last time she saw it. She believed it to have been lost somewhere within the multiverse. She first encountered it in her first regeneration (Sonia) and later in her ninth (Reilly), the latter spending most of her life searching for the Sphere, until the Cyber War derailed her search and forced her to abandon it.

            “A magnificent masterpiece, if I do say so myself,” the eccentric voice of a young man spoke out.

            All heads turned to see the young man himself approach. He had shoulder-length dark red hair and donned in a white t-shirt, worn beneath a white suit jacket, with matching tennis shoes. He was accompanied by a portly man who wore a plain suit with a straw boater.

            “Ladies, may I introduce you to my lab partner,” Luthor said while gesturing to the young redhead. “Lex Luthor of Earth-13.”

            Kara gazed on Luthor’s young counterpart in realization. “He’s the visitor you were talking about,” she surmised. “The one who brought the Quantum Sphere to your world.”

            “Quantum Sphere,” Earth-13 Luthor pondered over the name with interest. “I believe you’re referring to the power source of my machine. I like it. Think I’ll even trademark it.” He reached into his suit jacket and retrieved a Jolly Rancher that he offered to Jessica. “Care for one?”

            “I’m not supposed to take candy from strangers,” Jessica refused.

            Earth-13 Luthor winked at her. “Smart little lady.”

            “You need to remove the Sphere,” Kara insisted. “The antimatter inside it is highly corrosive to both of your realms. The longer it’s here, the little time you both have.”

            “You’re suggesting that we – the Council of Luthors – throw away weeks of research and development over the word of some nameless woman we’ve only just met?” Earth-13 Luthor mockingly gathered. With a wild giggle, he looked to his older counterpart and asked, “Where did you find this simple-minded woman, Lex?”

            “Otis?” The other Luthor made a gesture that took a moment for Otis – the man in the straw boater – to follow.

            “Oh, right!” Otis uttered, reaching into his coat pocket to retrieve a handgun that he aimed right at Kara and Jessica.

            Shielding the frightened Jessica, Kara yelled, “That’s unnecessary!”

            “Oh, I believe it is, my dear,” the other Luthor told her. “Now that we know what your intentions are for our machine, we cannot allow you and your little friend to leave here alive.”

"World's Finest Mix-Up" - Part Three

 

Part Three

            “Well, don’t just stand there, lil’ bro! C’mere and give your big ol’ sis a hug!”

            Without warning, Elvira took Craig by the hand and yanked him into a hug. It was the biggest, tightest, and most uncomfortable hug Craig had ever experienced. His large head was wedged into Elvira’s robust bosom. He could feel both of her hearts thumping in her chest – she was definitely a Time Lord. But he wasn’t entirely sure if she was the Time Lord he knew.

            “I…can’t…breathe!” Craig muffled.

            “Oh! I love you, too, lil’ bro!” Elvira said, verging on tears.

            Craig managed to pull himself out of her massive grip after nearly suffocating for nearly a whole minute. Taking a deep breath, he repeated his muffled words, “I said that I couldn’t breathe!”

            “Oh,” Elvira uttered, visibly embarrassed. “Well, you look great!” She playfully rubbed her fingers through his short curly hair.

            Craig didn’t appreciate the sentimental gesture, swatting her hand away.

            “Look!” he exclaimed, startling Elvira. “I don’t know you! You say you’re Neas, but I just saw Neas – and that version didn’t look like you!”

            Elvira scoffed. “Lemme guess: tall blonde with a sunny disposition? Yeah, honey, I remember being her, and lemme tell ya somethin’ – I had one serious snoring problem in that regeneration! Keep that in mind if you ever sleep in the same room.”

            Craig shook his head, feeling dizzy. “This is all too much!” He gazed around at his new surroundings, seeing that he was in the middle of the street in a rather dangerous-looking neighborhood. The apartment buildings were in dismal conditions and there was garbage littered over the sidewalks. “Where am I? It smells really bad!”

            “Gotham City in Earth-89,” Elvira told him. “And you get used to the smell…eventually.”

            HONK! HONK!

            Their conversation was disrupted with the aggravated honks from a vehicle that pulled up behind Elvira’s Macabre Mobile, which was blocking traffic. The driver, a balding middle-aged Caucasian man, stuck his head out from the driver’s side window and yelled, “Hey, c’mon! Move that hunk of junk or get it outta dah street!”

            “C’mon, lil’ bro,” Elvira invited Craig. “Hop on into my car, and I’ll take ya back to my TARDIS. It’s just a few blocks from here. Eddie’s probably still waitin’ for me.”

            “Eddie?” Craig said as he got into Elvira’s car.

            “My traveling companion,” Elvira elucidated, settling into the driver’s seat. “He’s got a bit of a…How should I put this? Well, ‘parasite’ is the best way to put it, but I wouldn’t say it around him.”

            “Around Eddie?” Craig inquired.

            “No, around the parasite,” Elvira remarked.

------------------------

            When Craig and Elvira arrived at the location of Elvira’s TARDIS, Craig expected to see the same tall, black rectangular solid that he commonly associated with the name. Instead, what he saw was a two-story house that looked to be in need of renovation. Luckily, it was in the process of one, thanks to a bunch of helpful teenagers working around the property.

            “I thought you said we were going to your TARDIS,” Craig confronted Elvira, his suspicions of her were more evident than before.

            “We are and we’re here!” Elvira told him. She then turned to the working teenagers and said, “Hey, everybody! You’re doin’ an excellent job!” Gesturing to Craig, she added, “I like for you to meet a good friend of mine. His name’s Craig. Say hello.”

            The teens gave Craig a warm welcome, and Craig could only offer an awkward wave in return. He still wasn’t entirely sure as to what was going on.

            “Miss Elvira,” one of the teenage boys – a strapping young blonde in a tight white tee and gym shorts – approached, carrying two paint cans. “What color do you want the house to be in? Pink or blue?”

            Elvira shot him a dirty look. “Pink?! Really, Jerry? Take a good look at me.”

            “Yes, ma’am!” Jerry happily obliged, his eyes deeply focused on every inch of her.

            After three long minutes, she told him, “O.K. That’s enough. You get my point.”

            “Not sure that I do, ma’am,” Jerry said. “But I’ll go with the blue.”

            Elvira rolled her eyes in annoyance as Jerry walked off. She heard Craig ask of the young man, “What’s wrong with that guy?”

            “Hormones,” Elvira replied.

            Elvira led Craig into the house. The inside appeared as dour as the outside, and Craig figured it to be the next step in the renovation. His confusion (and suspicions) peeked once Elvira brought him to a broom closet that she opened, as if to walk right into it. But, rather than an enclosed space filled with cleaning supplies, Craig saw what appeared to be a TARDIS console room.

            It was more spacious than the one he stood in recently and nearly as much as Maureen’s. The only difference was the lighting. Whereas as Kara’s and Maureen’s were brightly lit, Elvira’s was much dimmer and even a bit spooky, which seemed to be the motif she was going for. To Craig, it looked like the lair of an evil scientist with roundels on the walls lit in a blood-red hue and the time rotor at the center of the room sparkling with dark purple energy. Gallifreyan symbols illuminated along the sleek black floor.

            Regardless of how foreboding it all appeared, it was still a TARDIS.

            “How…?” Craig began.

            Elvira was prepared for his surprised reaction and explained, “I had a chameleon circuit installed. It took me a couple of eons to get around to it, but I finally did it.”

            “Do all those big kids outside know your house is really a TARDIS?”

            “Nah. They’re totally clueless.”

            “Who are they anyway?”

            “Oh, just a few Gothamites who happen to be big fans of my show.”

            “You have your own show?! Can we watch it sometime?”

            “Ehhh…I think you’re a little too young for it.”

            They soon heard footsteps resonating from across the room, followed by a New York-accented voice that playfully said, “The Mistress of the Dark finally returns!” Craig noticed it was a scruffy-looking man in his thirties, presumably the “Eddie” that Elvira had referred to earlier.

            That much was verified when Elvira approached the man and said, “Eddie, meet my lil’ bro, Craig.”

            “What’s happenin’, Craig.” Eddie stuck out his fist for Craig to bump. Then, out of nowhere, Eddie blurted out, “No! He is not a snack Elvira brought for us! We talked about this, man. We cannot eat everyone we meet – just the bad guys.”

            Craig was beyond puzzled over Eddie’s outburst. “Is he…talking to me?”

            “Remember the P-A-R-A-S-I-T-E I mentioned?” Elvira whispered to him.

            “The parasite?” Craig spelled out.

            “Parasite?!” a new voice roared. It was gravelly and monstrous in tone.

            Suddenly, something oozed out from Eddie’s back: a second head that was black, slimy, and had razor-sharp teeth and a long, foul tongue that slithered out. It looked on Craig, who was paralyzed with fear.

            “Who you callin’ a parasite, pipsqueak?!” It stormed on the ten-year-old.

            “Calm down, Venom!” Elvira ordered. “I was the one who called you ‘parasite’!”

            “There! You did it again!” The creature known as “Venom” growled. “I don’t like being called that! APOLOGIZE!”

            Eddie could only stand in between the feuding duo and allow them to air out their grievances. When it was over, he looked to the mortified Craig and told him, “I promise it’s not like this all the time.”

            Craig nervously chuckled. “It’s nothing compared to Thanksgiving at my house.”

            Moving on from Venom, Elvira turned to her TARDIS computer and inputted some information. The chilling broadcast of the other Joker played on the console monitor. “Who is that guy?” Venom asked. “Is he a bad guy?”

            “The absolute worst,” Elvira said.

            “So we get to eat him, right?”

            “Of course,” Elvira permitted. “I think you’re due for a Happy Meal. All I have to do is reroute the signal from the broadcast to pinpoint this Joker’s precise location.”

            Her attempt to do so was foiled when a live broadcast of a bearded man with a sinister glare took over the airwaves. “I am General Zod,” he addressed from a rural location, his voice carrying a British accent. “I speak to the people of the planet Earth. I have conquered one of your cities – Houston – with flawless ease. Now I will conquer the rest of your—”

            This broadcast was abruptly interrupted by another transmission.

            Static flooded the screen with the words “YOU ARE NOT ALONE” flashing in sporadic intervals. This pattern continued until the outline of a man appeared, accompanied by his commanding voice.

            “People of Earth, pay no mind to the imposter you just heard. He is not General Zod. I am General Zod. At this current time, my ship is in orbit of your planet, searching for an individual your world has sheltered. I request that you return him to my custody. For reasons unknown, he has chosen to keep his existence a secret from you. He will have made efforts to blend in. He will look like you, but he is not one of you. To those of you who may know of his current location: the fate of your planet rests in your hands. To Kal-El, I say this: surrender within 24 hours, or watch this world suffer the consequences. And to my imposter…I will find you.”

            As soon as the surprise transmission from the other Zod ended, Elvira was left looking at a blank monitor screen with her bewildered face reflecting back at her.

            Two Jokers, now two General Zods.

            How much worse could it get?