"World's Finest Mix-Up" - Part Two

 

Part Two

            The Williams’ BBQ party went on for three whole hours. Their guest of honor, Miss Kara Curtsinger, was the life of the party. She told corny jokes that made Duane (Craig’s father) laugh his head off by the BBQ grill, she performed magic tricks that astounded Jessica, she traded fashion tips with Nicole, and even Bernard couldn’t stop feeding her attention – clearly crushing over her.

            Meanwhile, Craig couldn’t get past how similar all these traits were to Neas (except for Bernard’s goofy crush) when he last visited the Williams family. He was like the uncle and brother none of them knew they ever had, and none of Craig’s family questioned where he came from. They only knew he was new to the block, which was the story he and Craig fabricated as a cover-up, and that he was in town to visit family.

            That family, of course, turned out to be the Williams themselves the entire time.

            As he looked on Kara, who was bathed in the late afternoon sun at the Williams’ backyard, Craig’s curiosity got the best of him. While Kara and Nicole were talking, Craig rushed up to them and blurted out, “Mom, can I show Miss Curtsinger my room?!”

            “Now, Craig,” his mother disciplined, “what do we say when adults are talking?”

            Remembering his manners, Craig corrected himself accordingly. “Oops. Sorry. What I meant was…Excuse me, Mom. Can I please show Miss Curtsinger my room?”

            “Why you wanna show her your room?” Nicole questioned.

            “Because…” Craig struggled to think up a reasonable excuse.

            Thankfully, Kara – seeming to catch on with what Craig was doing – told Nicole, “It’s O.K. In all the excitement over the last few hours, I barely had the chance to get a tour of your lovely home.”

            The excuse she made up for Craig was so believable even he bought into it.

            “Alright,” Nicole approved. “I guess Craig’s room is the more interesting place to start, seeing how big of a mess he always leaves it in.” Kara shared a giggle with her at Craig’s expense. “Ya’ll have fun. We’ll be hanging back here ‘til Duane has the meats all grilled up.”

            Immediately, Craig took Kara by the hand and led her back into the house, not saying a single word along the short journey to his bedroom. Once they were there, Craig shut the door and briefly paced back and forth from his desk to the window. With his back towards Kara, he took a deep breath and finally asked, “Man, this is gonna feel so weird if it turns out you’re not him. But every hint I spotted tells me that you are. So, if it really is you, could you just—?”

            When Craig turned to face Kara, he was suddenly enveloped in another one of her hugs. This one, however, felt much bigger, tighter, and warmer than the hug she gave him earlier by the front door. “It’s me, lil’ bro,” she told him. “I’m back.”

            Tears welled up in Craig’s eyes as he returned her hug.

            After nearly five minutes of embracing, they disengaged from each other, both of them cleaning the tears from their faces with their sleeves. “When did you figure out it was me?” Kara asked him.

            “When I got a whiff of your hoodie,” Craig replied.

            His answer provoked Kara to sniff the inside of her hoodie, suspecting that it might’ve carried a bad odor. She couldn’t exactly remember the last time she washed it.

            “Not that it smells bad in any way,” Craig punctually clarified for her. “It just still smells the same, you know? From the last time I met you?” He then thought about what he just said and elaborated, “Or I guess that’d be the last time before you were Maureen?”

            Kara frowned. “Before I was who?”

            “Maureen,” Craig repeated the name. “That girl who talked like that magical nanny from that one movie? J.P., Kelsey, and I met her…I mean, we met you on that alien world that was like one big desert. Your friend Rick was there – and so was your dad.”

            Kara couldn’t recall any of what he described to her. “Sorry, lil’ bro,” she shrugged. “It must’ve been with a regeneration of me that I haven’t yet become.”

            “Oh, no!” Craig gasped. “Did I spoil it all for you? I’m so sorry!”

            “Not at all,” she reassured him. “It just means that I have a lot to look forward to!”

            Craig was relieved to hear her say that.

            “In the meantime, what do you say we go on some adventures right here and now?” Kara invited him. “I regret not having taken you on a proper adventure in the TARDIS before. I was just playing it safe back then. But now, I think you’re finally ready.” She offered her hand to Craig with a welcoming smile. “So…what do you say?”

            Craig had literally dreamt of this moment for the last several months. “Y-Yes!” he exclaimed with twinkling eyes. “Yes, I’m definitely ready to go on an adventure with you in your TARDIS!”

            “Sweet!” Kara gleefully cheered. “Meet at my house next door tomorrow at nine in the morning. I’ll tell your folks that you’ll be helping me tidy around while I’m settling in. Go down to the basement and you’ll see me and my TARDIS there, waiting for you.”

            “Gotcha,” Craig joyfully acknowledged.

            Sealing the arrangement with a nod, she then instructed, “Now, let’s get back to that BBQ. Your dad whips up the best chicken and ribs I’ve had since the dad of another Craig I once knew fed them to me.”

            As she headed for the door, Craig stopped her to express some personal feelings that he had: “Hey, I’m glad you still remember me. These past couple of days, it’s been bugging me that you’d forgotten all about me. You’ve lived for so long and meet so many people across the multiverse…I just figured…”

            “Craig,” Kara interjected, walking back to him and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “From what you told me about this ‘Maureen’ girl and the adventure you had with her, and the fact that I’m standing here in front of you now, I think it’s safe to say that I won’t ever forget you.”

            Her words were as comforting as her hand on his shoulder.

            And yet there was a part of Craig that remained unconvinced.

            Kara opened the door to his bedroom, expecting to have walked out freely into the hallway, but her exit was barred by a precocious six-year-old girl whose small body had been leaning against the door before Kara opened it. She tumbled right in, obviously eavesdropping into their conversation.

            Craig was visibly annoyed with his little sister’s prying. “Jessica! Really?!”

            “Lil’ Queen,” Kara knowingly addressed her. “How much did you hear?”

            “Enough to tell Mommy and Daddy…unless you take me with you,” Jessica bartered.

            Kara smirked at the hard bargain that the six-year-old drove.

            Craig, on the other hand, was not at all amused.

-----------------------

            The next morning, Craig and Jessica went next door to Kara’s house, just as Kara herself directed. Craig still couldn’t believe Jessica was going on the journey with them, having only just discovered the secret that Neas was a face-changing alien from another dimension – whereas Craig had known for months. Regardless, he was thrilled to finally go on his first real TARDIS adventure.

            Kara’s house, or the one that she purchased next to the Williams residence, was virtually empty inside. No furniture, no pictures on the wall, no cars in the garage, and no food in the refrigerator (if there was one). The only purpose the house served was to keep up the illusion of someone living there, at least from the outside.

            In truth, the homeowner lived within the flat, rectangular black solid that stood in the basement. Its door had been left open to invite the two Williams siblings into a much larger, wider interior.

            Jessica instantly flipped out. “Oh, my gosh! This magic domino is so amazing!!!”

            Seeing how overwhelmed she was from the whole thing, Kara asked, “Jessica, honey? Are you gonna be okay?”

            “She’ll be fine,” Craig answered on his sister’s behalf, letting out an annoyed sigh. “It’s just a lot for her to process.”

            “I recall it being a lot for you to process when you first walked in,” Kara said. “If I remember correctly, didn’t you say that you peed a little?”

            Jessica giggled at the reference.

            Blushing with embarrassment, Craig quickly changed the subject. “So…where are we going?”

            “I was just about to ask you guys that.” Kara hopped over to the control console. “Where do you guys wanna go?”

            “Somewhere with princesses!” Jessica suggested.

            “Somewhere with superheroes!” Craig recommended.

            Both sounded like excellent ideas to Kara, so she met in the middle. “How about a place where you guys can meet an old friend of mine who’s a superhero and a princess? Her name’s Diana, and she’s a warrior princess from the land of Themyscira!”

            Craig and Jessica were starry-eyed from the prospect.

            “Hey, I remember you telling me about Themyscira,” Craig recollected. “That’s where you battled your evil twin – and even yourself!”

            “Good memory,” Kara told him. “I look forward to going back under better circumstances.”

            Kara inputted the destination into the TARDIS computer, and they dematerialized straightaway from Craig and Jessica’s world, vanishing from the basement of Kara’s empty suburban residence. The takeoff was easy at first, but then they hit some bizarre turbulence that created a massive quake over Kara’s TARDIS. Kara, Craig, and Jessica were knocked off their feet and tossed all about the console room.

            Struggling against the chaos, Kara positioned herself back over the console and initiated an emergency landing. She didn’t know what dimension she brought them to nor did she care. All that mattered to her was making sure Jessica and Craig were safe.

            “Lil’ Queen?” she called out to the former. “You O.K.?”

            “Uh-huh,” Jessica timidly replied, sniffling as she sat curled up in a ball on the floor. “That was really scary.”

            “I know, honey, and I’m so sorry,” Kara said. “I promise that it’s all over.” Looking away from Jessica, Kara’s aquamarine eyes searched for Craig, only to discover that he was nowhere to be found in the console room. “Craig? Lil’ bro? Where did ya go?” She didn’t receive a response, which only made her and Jessica that much more worried.

-----------------

            It probably wasn’t such a bright idea to cruise around the streets of Gotham while there were two variants of the Joker threatening the city, but Elvira needed the fresh air. She got it with the top down from her “Macabre Mobile” – the wind blowing in her pale white face and bouffant hairdo. It wasn’t exactly the freshest air, but it did take Elvira’s mind off of that super-creepy video from the deadlier of the two Jokers.

            In her cruising, she caught sight of something skyward that captivated enough of her attention to remove her sunshade-clad eyes from the road.

            It looked like a bird.

            Or it could have been a plane.

            No…it was…

            “Superman?!” she verbally identified the flying object.

            But it couldn’t have been the Man of Steel. Unlike most other versions of Gotham she had been to within the infinite D.C., Superman didn’t exist in this one. For that matter, there wasn’t even a Metropolis!

            So how could there be a Superman flying above Gotham City of Earth-89?

            Elvira was so lost in the mystery that she almost failed to see the little boy in the middle of the road that she nearly ran down. Her black pumps slammed on the brake, bringing her Macabre Mobile to a screeching halt. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said of her hearts, both of which continued to beat like crazy.

            “Are ya nuts, kid?!” she bellowed as she got out of her car and confronted the child. “There’s a reason they put those PSAs at the end of every G.I. Joe episode, ya know!” Her tone suddenly changed when she recognized the boy she almost killed. “Oh, my gosh…Craig?!”

            Hearing his name spoken by the woman he didn’t recognize made Craig more confused than he already was. One moment, he was aboard Kara’s TARDIS, caught up in that weird turbulence. And now, he was standing in the middle of the street of some unknown city with a freaky Goth lady smiling at him.

            “Who are you?” Craig asked her.

            “Craig, it’s me,” Elvira said. “It’s Neas!”

"World's Finest Mix-Up" - Part One

 

Part One

            Craig ran as fast as his legs could go through the creek. He zoomed past the Trading Tree, bobbing and weaving in-and-out between groups of kids. He heard Kit tell him something, but he was too busy – too excited – to stop and chat. He had to get to the Stump right away.

            He’s waiting for me. I can’t make him wait for too long.

            He was completely out of breath by the time he reached the Stump, sweat beating across his brow. Regardless of his exhaustion, he was thrilled to see what he rushed all the way there to see: Neas standing in front of his open Type-Z TARDIS with his arms crossed and a smile on his face.

            “You made it,” he told Craig.

            “I…did…big bro,” he huffed. Once he took a large gulp of water from the bottle he kept in his Purse of Holding, he said to Neas with reinvigorated energy, “I’m finally ready!”

            Neas frowned. “Ready for what?”

            “Ready to go on a journey with you through the Infinite D.C.!”

            “I’m afraid it’s too late, Craig.”

            Craig felt the enthusiasm drain from his body again; his hopes and dreams dashed. “What? Why not?”

            “I never prepared you for this day.”

            “What day?”

            “The day when I had to regenerate…become an entirely new person.”

            “But it’s O.K. I know all about your regeneration and that you’ll one day turn into Maureen. I totally understand. No matter what, you’ll always be my big bro, remember? You’ll never forget about me.”

            Neas let out a heartbroken sigh. “I wish that were true, Craig,” he lamented. “But someday I will forget you.”

            Craig was crushed to hear him say this, tears streaming down his face.

            Suddenly, Neas’s head and hands began to glow in radiant yellow energy that seeped out from every pore. And then, much to Craig’s horror, he exploded in pillars of fire that shot out from underneath his collar and through the sleeves of his hoodie. The explosion was so intense that Craig could feel it overwhelming his skin, melting it off his bones like chocolate ice cream.

            “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

            Craig snapped awake in his bedroom, gasping. He thought he was screaming aloud for real, but it was only in the dream…one horrible dream.

            He glanced over at his Slide the Ferret alarm clock to check the time.

            2:30a.m.

            It was still the middle of the night, and he had only been asleep for a couple of hours. There was no way he was going to get a full night’s sleep after such a hauntingly realistic nightmare.

-----------------------------

            Craig had great difficulty eating, sleeping, playing video games, or doing much of anything. He was still haunted by that nightmare about Neas. It triggered a lot of other thoughts that he had about his Time Lord friend and surrogate big brother.

            His real big brother, Bernard, sat in the kitchen that morning, eating his cereal while on his phone, as usual.

            Their mother, Nicole, was there as well, getting herself some coffee.

            “Morning, Craig!” she happily greeted. “Can I fix ya anything?”

            “No,” Craig answered in a huff, sitting at the table right beside Bernard. “I’m still not hungry.”

            “You sure you’re okay, baby?” Nicole asked him. “You’ve been acting awfully low these past couple of days. You haven’t even been to the creek.”

            “And you never miss a day going to the creek,” Bernard said with a mouthful of cereal.

            “Bernard!” Nicole scolded. “Swallow before you speak!” Returning her attention on her youngest son, she tried to brighten his spirits. “Well, I know what’ll cheer you up, sweetie. Our new next door neighbor is comin’ over today, so we’re gonna throw ourselves a BBQ par-tay!”

            Only Nicole seemed to be the excited one for this event. Craig remained disinterested while Bernard was annoyed. “Why can’t we just throw a BBQ party period?” the latter asked (after swallowing the bits of cereal in his mouth). “Why we gotta have it just because of some old lady?”

            “Bernard!” Nicole again scolded. “Now that is no way to speak of our new neighbor. I expect you boys to set a good example for your little sister and behave yourselves when she comes over. Is that understood?”

            “Yes, ma’am,” both Craig and Bernard acknowledged.

            Craig excused himself from the kitchen thereafter, retreating back into his bedroom to do a video chat with J.P. and Kelsey over his phone. He explained his whole reason for not being at the creek for the last two days, bringing up the details of his nightmare for the first time. Only Kelsey and J.P. understood his dilemma, after their trip through the Stargate.

            “Craig, don’t worry,” Kelsey reassured him. “Maureen…er…Neas hasn’t forgotten you.”

            “Yeah, remember what she told you?” J.P. recalled. “She said, ‘No matter what, you’ll always be my little bro.’ And then you guys hugged and she kissed you on the forehead and I started cryin’…”

            “I was there, J.P., you don’t have to give me the play-by-play,” Craig interrupted. “I just don’t know, you guys. We haven’t seen or heard from Maureen in the last few months.” As much as he hated to admit it, he then added, “Let’s just face the facts: Neas’s forgotten all about me. Going on all those adventures in the Infinite D.C., how could they have time to remember one kid from the creek?”

            “Do you really believe that?” Kelsey asked in sympathy for her friend.

            “I kinda do, I guess,” Craig answered. “But you wanna know the worst thing about it? I never once got the courage to ask Neas if I could go on one of his journeys.”

            “What about that Stargate thing?” J.P. inquired. “Doesn’t that count?”

            “I don’t think so, J.P.,” Kelsey disproved.

            The Stump Kids’ video chat ended as soon as Craig heard the doorbell resound throughout his house – the new neighbor had arrived. He was prompted to come downstairs by his mother, so that the entire Williams family could meet their guest of honor.

            Bernard’s description of her as just “some old lady” was annulled the moment that the new neighbor walked through their front door. As the Williams family discovered, she was a middle-aged blonde with an incredible, athletic physique beneath a purple shirt, skinny jeans, and a black hoodie that looked to be adjusted to suit her frame.

            She introduced herself as “Kara Curtsinger.”

            “Welcome to our neighborhood!” Jessica Williams (Craig’s little sister) cheered with literal open arms.

            “Why, thank you so much, lil’ queen,” Kara warmly responded.

            Craig’s ears tickled from the nickname Kara gave Jessica. There was only one other person he knew who gave Jessica the nickname of “lil’ queen.”

            Since the minute she walked in, Bernard’s mouth hung open in shock of how attractive Kara was. She playfully closed it for him, pressing her index finger up against his chin. “Close your mouth, hon,” she said to him. “You’ll catch flies that way.”

            Again, Craig’s ears tickled. He knew he heard someone say that to Bernard before.

            Kara had already won over everyone in the Williams family with her warmth, humor, and charm. The only objective one was Craig, who merely stood along one corner with his arms folded and eyes toward the floor. “Craig,” he heard his mother beckon. “Say hello to Miss Curtsinger.”

            “Hello,” he dryly complied.

            It clearly wasn’t the tone Nicole was hoping from him, sighing in disapproval. “You have to excuse Craig,” Nicole told Kara. “He’s been a little testy lately.”

            “Oh, I know just the cure for that,” Kara said.

            She approached Craig, drawing his attention as she crouched down in front of him. She then took his right hand and proceeded in performing a unique, complex, and fun handshake that ended with her pulling Craig into a hug.

            That feeling of déjà vu Craig experienced in the last couple of moments kicked into overdrive after Kara’s handshake. There was only one person who taught him such a unique, complex, and fun handshake that ended with a hug. It was the same person who once carried the same fresh scent in his black hoodie, just like the one he smelled on Kara’s during their hug.

            Was it possible for Craig’s new next-door neighbor, Kara Curtsinger, to be Neas in yet another form?

-------------------------

            “I’m tellin’ ya, folks. I am so glad you stuck around to the end on this one, ‘cause I don’t know if I could’ve handled one more racial tirade from Maxwell Kirshner before punching the TV screen. I mean, poor Jack, havin’ that old white dude breathin’ down his neck every sec. That’s like if I had Breather’s head on my…Ugh! I almost threw up in my mouth!”

            Sitting in the middle of a set modeled after a haunted house was Elvira, the self-proclaimed “Mistress of the Dark.” Most of Gotham City had their television sets tuned in to her live broadcast, which didn’t have much time on the air before the local station had to move on with the news. The director made this clear for Elvira when he gestured for her to wrap it up before the camera.

            “Speaking of upchuck, my director Chuck tells me that’s all the time we have for now,” she finished up. “Until next time…Unpleasant dreams.” She gave a sultry wave to the camera after her signature closing line.

            After signing off, the station crew wasted no time in transitioning over to the news, dropping the weather map right in front of Elvira, without a word of warning. It smacked against her makeup-heavy face.

            “Thanks for the heads up, fellas,” she snootily told the stagehands, removing herself from her signature red Victorian chaise longue. As she headed over to the backstage vanity mirror, she could hear the Action News jingle play in news anchors Becky Narita and Peter McElroy, the former of whom Elvira has had some choice words with every now and then backstage – and the latter was a disgusting flirt.

            After a few minutes on-air, Becky began acting strange, laughing at random while Peter was trying to give a serious news report, until she finally and literally keeled over laughing. Several crew members went to her aid.

            Elvira watched the whole thing, shaking her head. “The same story every time,” she said to no one but herself. “And cue Joker with the Smylex commercial…” Sure enough, the live newscast was soon hijacked by a corny advertisement for a deadly hygiene product created by none other than the Joker, a criminal mastermind who was only just starting to make a name for himself in Gotham.

            Some would’ve questioned how Elvira knew this disturbing commercial was going to play at that exact time. Some would’ve even accused her of being behind it, as well as Becky’s on-air breakdown that culminated in her unfortunate death. But Elvira had her ways of knowing everything that went on in the Gotham City of this particular Earth, being a traveler of multiple Earths.

            As much of a pain-in-the-butt as Becky was, Elvira still grieved for her. There was no way to prevent what the Joker did to her – not without Elvira drawing too much attention to herself.

            That’s not who you are anymore. You’re just a TV hostess now.

            Elvira snapped out of her private thoughts when she heard Joker’s Smylex commercial interrupted itself by static. It hadn’t gotten halfway through its forced broadcast before someone else decided to intervene.

            When the static cleared, another clown appeared onscreen.

            He was a stark contrast to the flashy, colorful one before, appearing more haggard with his chalk-white makeup that consisted of dark face-paint that blackened the spaces around his leering brown eyes, green hair-dye spread all over unkempt greasy brown hair, and a red slash of lipstick smeared all over a thin mouth with two gruesome scars lined at the corners, resembling a Glasgow smile.

            “Evening, people of Gotham,” he spoke in a shaky, unhinged voice that randomly altered in pitch. “Ignore the knock-off Saturday Morning Cartoon villain behind the curtain. He is an imposter. I’m going to show you what a real terror looks like. And it won’t be through some comical scheme like poisoning haircare products or mouthwash. No, no, no, no, NO! What I have in mind will be messy and chaotic! Because what is a world without a little chaos?”

            He concluded his broadcast with a laugh that sent chills throughout every viewer in Gotham City.

            Even Elvira was left terrified from what just she watched.

            “O.K.,” she uttered. “Didn’t see that comin’!”